kyndallrae

creating me [using words]

LIfe Is So Good, And Also:

I deeply feel all that remains unresolved within me.

I deeply feel all that remains unresolved within me.

I feel it like a black mass, like a tangled web, like a book of fears, like a coffin full of buried memories, like a series of burning questions that really do burn, like a wave of pain I hold at bay despite my efforts to enter necessary grief and feeling, like a bucket of bruises I collected over the years like rainfall dropping steady upon my heart, like excess affection and devotion waiting in a shoebox on the shelf to be given away someday, like my children waiting to be conceived, like drought-lands begging for sky-water, like barrenness becoming painstakingly fertile, like arthritis in the soul of me, like all the muteness I’ve yet to break, like contractions for all the love stuck sideways in my birth canal, like all the words still lost to my knowing, like all the tragedy I’ve witnessed with these two small eyes and this crippled heart, like all the people I want to heal but can’t, like anger/rage/justice stuck/wedged/trapped, like a hamster on a wheel, like all the relationships I want to darn like socks but refuse to be mended and we drop the stitch to hold our blame, like all the misunderstanding and on rare occasion slander I have tried to bear with dignity, like all the fractures running through my heart, like a jar of broken promises and the can full of lies tucked in the back of the pantry where I stuffed them as soon as they were delivered to me—there is no throwing these out so I just don’t open them ‘cause they taste bad—

This is what it feels like in the gut of me. Sliver by sliver by sliver, the light shoots through and spiders in dark corners scurry off, carrying away ounces of pain on their backs. I watch them scatter. I inhale a larger breath. I place my hand on my belly where all the world’s (or at least my world’s) unresolved tension lies. I feel the rumbling of dark things being shifted, sifted, made ready to one day ride the spiders on out of here, and I ask for more light.

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6 thoughts on “LIfe Is So Good, And Also:

  1. cupped hands
    full of Light

    here

    drink

  2. A magnificent, if raging and howling, manifesto. But then, what true manifesto doesn’t howl and rage (and sing)?

  3. Ashley Mangrum on said:

    “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart…try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” -Ranier Maria Rilke

    Your post made me think of one of my favorite quotes shown to me by the dear Dr. Stroope. Thinking of you as you learn to live the questions and thus, live each day more into the answers. Blessings to you, dear friend.

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creating me [using words]

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Exploring the convergence of theology, consumerism, food, ecology and economy

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creating me [using words]

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